I ain’t worried none
Time does quicken, if only because my adult brain has adapted so many facets of retirement. Escapism in long form, there will be months at a time that I am moving among humanity as to comfort the others in my life who do not wish for me to disappear, but I have shut off on so many levels that by the time I awaken again it has been a year since I had seen the sun. Problematic and routine, this has become my existence.
New York, a city so fraught with the history of disappointment that it now is a premonition of failure. I admire the dreamers who live here, I see glimmers of hope that I once had in the young people I meet. The writers, the artists, the ones who haven’t yet moved to Berlin who are still trucking along waiting for nothing because time has no value. What a wonderful thought. How have all become so plagued by time?
And yet for all my morose life is not as painful as it seems. There are dinner parties and bar meetings, bike rides under cloudy skies with the smell of roasting lumber that seems to haunt the fall air. There are endless humans to interact with, and some of them have proven worthwhile. There is so much laughter, and so much pain, and this will always be reason enough to see tomorrow, for when we are numb it is the time to fear that we may never feel again.