We sit in the second story of Doutor coffee, my boyfriend and I. He’s wearing his leather jacket which otherwise has been claimed as my leather jacket. Today is his day to wear it, I’m in my one piece pajamas patterned in naked and bikini clad smiling ladies that look like Kardashians with blue and green hair. I have the best view. I often think about, and envy, the advantages of being a man, one of the few of womanhood is the ability to request the best seat, the inner seat, the booth seat, the seat with the view. I can look out the nearly wall-sized window into the new quaint and Disney-like neighborhood we reside in. Across the street is our preferred coffee shop that we can’t afford to go due to budgetary restriction. It’s extra four-hundred yen per coffee buys the comfort of individuality, comfortable seating, the ambience of sipping pour-over coffee that takes too long to make while being part of the class of old ladies who lunch on white bread triangle sandwiches. The coffee here tastes like gasoline, it’s two-hundred and seventy yen for a medium size, I don’t like it much. But the view is nice. Someday soon I’ll be over there at that nice coffee shop, I think to myself.
It’s cloudy and we slept in until two PM for the first time in a month. I woke up at seven, took half a melatonin to shut my mind off from the same drudgery of thoughts that have haunted me since our decision to move to Japan. Although neither of us were happy in Seoul, it was ultimately my decision to come here, to leave our beautiful apartment that we turned into our home, and say farewell to the security of a job that he hated and was sucking his soul into the dirt. Waking up next to his sleeping body I find myself in the same web of torment, wondering if we made the right decision, distrought and unsure how to give back to him all that he has given to me. The life of the privileged immigrants known as expats, looking for work, struggling for visas, to escape perfectly nice countries that just don’t seem to fit. I’m probably still lucky, I guess.